Notes from today

Taken @ City Lights following a delicious dinner at Steps of Rome with semi-old semi-friends and coffee from the best place in San Francisco, Caffe Trieste:

1. Distance manifests possibility? - best self, unstuck in past, free to create self continuously
2. P.[oetry] is like coming home
3. Knowing kills art a. like zen philosophy, b. "knowing" only artifical anyway

Does this make sense to anyone but me? I wrote them to elaborate on when I got home but I don't really have the energy now. Maybe I'll get to them later. PS, feeling a little foolish about my last city / San Francisco rant, as I did and still do love the North Beach area.

Anxiety is back, in full force. My throat is closing up again like it did the summer before my freshman year of college -- could it be because of going to Italy soon? A kind of background stressor invading my everyday life subconciously? That's what I finally decided it was in 2003, as once I got a month into college it vanished completely. I don't know what it is, I hate gasping for breath so much that I get cramps in my chest and shoulders.. I feel like all of this shouldn't be coming now, shouldn't be happening now that I've started practicing meditation, doing yoga, trying to be mindful, etc. Of any time for it to return in full swing, why should it happen now?

Anyway, this convinces me more than ever that I need to visit a psychiatrist here in the Bay Area to get at least a months supply of those stupid anxiety pills I've been trying to wean off of all summer, just in case. I don't want to get to Italy and be chomping my mouth apart. It's just so disappointing for all of that to be coming back now. It's been two months since I last medicated my anxiety and I'd been successful for such a long time. Disappointing.